In my last article “Master Your Mind: How to Learn Anything in a Noisy World”, I mentioned a familiar situation: asking a friend about their coach. The answer? Always the same:
“Yeah, they’re great.”
Never:
“Actually, I don’t think they helped much.”
Why is that? Why do we rarely hear honest critiques? Why do we assume the coach must be effective, even when the results are… meh?
This got me thinking about something bigger — not just coaches, but our relationship with authority figures in general. And not just in sports or learning. Think restaurants, influencers, trends. We hand out five stars or likes before we’ve even had the experience. Not because it’s earned, but because it’s expected.
There’s a strange dynamic at play. Whether it’s a new restaurant flooded with five-star reviews before it’s even opened, or a coach who gets glowing praise simply for being a coach, we’ve conditioned ourselves to believe that expertise, status, and popularity = quality. But what happens when we question that? What happens when we realize that not everything is as perfect as the stars make it seem?
Real Growth Starts with “This Isn’t Working”
I was born in Hong Kong, and growing up there, I remember the best food wasn’t in the elegant, renovated spots with top-tier service. It was in tiny, family-run joints — maybe five tables, maybe no menu, maybe a cat sleeping on the rice sacks. But the food? Unreal. Not because of the décor, but because of the heart and soul the chef poured into every dish.
It wasn’t about perfection. It was about passion.
And that’s the kind of greatness we often overlook. We chase polish, but forget to look for soul.
Real Growth Starts with “This Isn’t Working”
We live in a world where we judge experiences by external markers — reviews, ratings, status symbols. But the best meals, the most fulfilling moments, aren’t always the ones with five stars or influencer endorsements.
Some of my most memorable nights were in hole-in-the-wall places I stumbled into with zero expectations. No reservations, no Yelp research, just me and a good friend, hungry and curious. And somehow, those nights turned out to be unforgettable — not because of the service or ambience, but because of the company and the authenticity of the moment.
Real Growth Starts with “This Isn’t Working”
This isn’t just about food. It’s about how we relate to authority — coaches, mentors, leaders. We’re socialized to respect them without question. And sometimes, that’s to our detriment.
We’ve built a world where appearances matter more than substance. Social media has amplified this: we perform moments instead of experiencing them. We seek validation in likes and stars, because it’s easier than confronting the deeper, often uncomfortable truths.
But what if we made space for authenticity? What if we were honest about our struggles and dissatisfaction — not just in reviews, but in our everyday learning experiences?
Real Growth Starts with “This Isn’t Working”
Growth doesn’t come from blind obedience. It comes from questioning. From saying, “This isn’t working for me,” and exploring other options. From stepping outside the five-star narrative and embracing our own truths — even if they’re messy, unpolished, and don’t fit the algorithm.
The most meaningful experiences come when we have no expectations, no filters, no curated reviews. Just the moment, the people, and the raw, unfiltered authenticity.
So next time you’re tempted to trust the stars, ask yourself:
“Am I rating the experience, or just the packaging?”
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